Break In

It’s now been about 7 months since I experienced probably the scariest moment of my life. But, hey, look, now I’m writing about it, so I am in a very good place! God has taught me so many lessons over these 7 months as a result:

Two weeks before school started this past August, I was at my house alone in Athens working for the weekend. It was a Saturday night, and around 2:00am I awoke to the huge bang and shattering of the windows. I awoke immediately terrified that my worst nightmare was coming true. But before I jumped to conclusions, I tried to rationalize what I just heard. Was it lightning striking the house? No, my fan was still running so the power was still on. Then under my bedroom door I saw a light go on near the kitchen. I panicked. It was my worst nightmare. There was absolutely no other reasonable explanation. I lay paralyzed in my bed not knowing what to do. Probably the worst paralyzing fear had come over me. I continued to lay unable to move until I heard footsteps come down the short hallway between the two bedrooms on the bottom floor. I immediately knew I had to say something, “Hello?” I then heard some whispers and two sets of feet bolt out of my house.  I became outraged in anger, still overwhelmed with fear. I got out of my bed and began to yell with fear in my voice, “Get out of my house, get out of my house! I am armed and the police are in their way.” That last sentence may or may have not been true. I grabbed my phone and ran in my closet, called the police and stayed on the phone with the operator until they arrived.

I was so very fortunate that night because that was all that happened. Our front door was kicked in by two punks, and our 42” TV was stolen. It could have been 1000x worse, but I try not to imagine what “could have” happened. I know God was looking out for me, but it was still very hard understanding why he let this happen to me.

The immediate weeks to follow, I learned was how important friendships are. I am so fortunate to have such loving and awesome friends here in Athens. From being able to wake my neighbor at 2:45am who then let me sit in her bed, still trembling in fear, while I waited for my parents to come. “You are handling this so well right now” she told me. I didn't, and still don’t believe that statement is true. Ant then to having friends live at my house the following week with me until my roommates came back because I refused to go back there by myself. My gosh, God has blessed me! And what’s even more awesome to know, I know there are several others who I could have called on that night who would have woken up or dropped anything to come help me.

A second lesson was the lesson of security. Physically and emotionally. I never leave my house door unlocked at night, especially when I’m there by myself.  The door was locked that night, my car out front. There was nothing more I could have done except leave the porch light on. But since the “incident” we call it, our house has become almost a fortress with added security. So don’t try breaking in. But this “incident” will always be with me, and wherever I am in the future, I will always have something to remind me to be smart about security. And maybe God gave me this experience to teach me something about emotional security, I don’t know. But I do know as a result, if this were to happen again, I like to think I wouldn’t feel as nervous or uneasy. To be honest, I’d probably be straight up pissed. I don't think I was someone who was emotionally insecure before this happened, but I do think I have become more resilient as a result, which brings me to my next point.

The following weeks and probably couple months, I was still so uneasy, at night especially. I didn't want to really talk about the “incident”. But I knew if my psychological state didn’t get better, I was going to have to. I seriously considered going to talk to a counselor. I considered to mostly just talk about coping mechanisms so that it would never really become an issue, especially going into my hardest semester yet at school. I think after having one of my roommates sleep in my bed one or two nights, she was about to sign me up. Fortunately though, I snapped out of it and was able to move on with my semester starting and now, I can just about laugh about it.  That said, I would have had no shame in going to talk to someone about it though. And if it ever does begin to bother me psychologically, I will march my butt on over to a professional without hesitation.

Like I said earlier, I am so grateful I am now in a place where I can write and laugh about this. I was able to for a little bit after, I just didn't like to for too long. One time, maybe a week or two after, one of my friends came in and looked at the TV we moved down from one of my roommate’s rooms and said with all seriousness, “Did your TV get smaller?” I looked at him dumbfounded because I had told him about the “incident” just shortly before, but also how I didn’t really want to talk about it. Our other friend looked at him with the same dumbfounded expression that was on my face. I love to laugh about this now, especially when he comes over and I get to make fun of him for making me feel bad, hehe.

U.S. Navy

   Well, I have some exciting news to share, and I figured this is a great place to share it even though it’s been a while. Actually, exciting doesn’t even begin to describe the mix of emotions I am going through. Many of you know I have applied for this program to be a pharmacist in the Navy after graduation. For those of you who don’t, well, read the last sentence over again.

   Why? Ever since deciding I wanted a career in the medical field, starting that career in the military has always been in the back of my mind for 2 reasons, 1) It is very well known that they help pay for school (this stuff is expensive) and 2) my mom was a nurse in the Air Force. I never actually seriously considered it until a year ago when a recruiter came to school and I said to myself “Heck, I’ll go hear what he has to say.”

    Although I never grew up with a mom in the military, I’ve always been so proud of her for her service as a nurse in the Air Force. For those who don’t know, a few short months after she graduated college, she was stationed near Sacramento for 3ish years. From those 3 years, she has some of the best stories to tell, made some of her best friends, and gained some of the most INCREDIBLE experience both professionally and personally. She was able to go and see places she probably otherwise wouldn’t have done. She was able to ski Squaw Valley, visit Yosemite, get a cheap military flight to Hawaii, take a trip to Napa, and all sorts of other things. But the thing I think is the coolest is when she is able to stand up at church when our pastor recognizes veterans on Veteran’s Day. CHILLS I tell you.

    By the time summer arrived, I found myself knee deep in the application, MEPS physical done (I don't even know how to describe this without going into more detail than you probably want to know), recommendations in, background check done, fingerprinted, and convinced that the U.S. government was now watching my every move as if they weren't already. All I had left to complete were a statement of interest and 2 interviews.  After completing my statement of interest, I was fully on board. After my first interview over the phone, I was on my OFF board with one foot on dry land.  Everything was finally catching up to me and I began to freak out about this and question every reason I wanted this. I realize now it was God’s way of telling me “Wooaahhh, slow down Avery. Put on the breaks. Take a moment to think about this and make sure you are doing it for the right reasons.” It was very hard. I went into that last interview still very hesitant, trying to convince my interviewer and myself I was ready for this, and wanted it. I was praying every day and had an army praying for me too. 

    Over the past 6-7 months as I have sat and waited, I have had ample time to decide what I wanted. I thought getting on this application early would have hopefully given me an early decision. I was wrong. I’ve been waiting for what seems like an eternity now with people asking me left and right if I had heard back yet (which although I appreciate your excitement and encouragement, I was growing anxious because I wanted to hear just as much as you).  But, as a result of waiting, I came to the conclusion that as hard as this will be physically and emotionally, this really is something I WANT TO DO.

    Well waiting has finally ended and the board has recommended me to the U.S. Navy HSCP for Pharmacy. I will be given a salary for my last two years of pharmacy school, beginning this August with the title “Petty Officer”. Upon graduation in 2016, I will go off to Officer Development School in Newport, RI for 5 weeks to become a Lieutenant (which is an O3 in the Navy), then off to what we hope to be one of the 3 big Navy hospitals in San Diego, CA, Portsmouth, VA, or Bethesda, MD. I will owe 3 years of active duty in return.

    I’ll say it again, this is something I really want to do, and I am really excited about it. But it is also terrifying. I think to myself some days, “Oh my gosh, I will be joining the military. Who am I?” After all, I’m this preppy little white girl (who still feels like she is 16-not any where old enough to make a decision like this), likes being independent, likes being able to tell people NO, likes wearing the jewelry and clothes she wants, wants to meet a boy and fall in love, and doesn't like getting her feelings hurt. But those who really know me know I am also very structured and routine oriented (thanks Mom), doesn’t have a problem with authority, am a team player, and hopefully wise beyond her years (haha not really). And there are plenty of men in the military J.

    As I move forward over the next two and a half years, I ask that you pray for me. I ask that you pray for me physically, so that I may endure physical training and 4:00am mornings at ODS for 5 weeks and stay in military shape over the 3 years. I ask that you pray for me emotionally, so that I may be strong in a new place and to getting my feelings hurt. I ask that you pray for me professionally that this experience is truly unmatched anywhere else and that I find an area of pharmacy I want to be in for a long time. I ask for you to pray for my heart to continue love and want to serve my fellow soldiers and the country I love.  But mostly, I ask that you pray for me spiritually. I know this will be the most trying time in my faith with moving somewhere new and not knowing anyone; however, it is something I feel I need to do to make my faith stronger. It will make me completely and utterly reliant on God. Pray for me to find a good church family to support me and grow with me.

Thanks, I already feel them working,

Avery

Past Two Months

Wowzers. Its been two months since I've been here. I need to be better about writing.
In the meantime, I've been doing some of this:

I got a grand Little 

(Me, Amanda-my little, Sarah-my grand Little)

And:

Georgia v. South Carolina 2012

(we will just leave that little part out)

And:

BYX Formal in Charleston, SC (October 2012)

And:

Georgia v. Florida 2012 (Score: 17-9 Georgia)

But, I actually feel like I've only really been doing this:

(How our muscles contract- pretty cool stuff)

And:

(yes, every bit of that)

And:

(1 of 300 cards)

It's been a crazy past two months. We celebrated two of my roommate's 21st birthdays, and a few other friends' birthdays as well. I somehow managed to survive the crazy political chaos of a Presidential election. I'm learning lots of cool stuff (even though I hate to admit it) and having fun too!

Next on my agenda: 

Taking a week off and spending it with my family and celebrating Thanksgiving 

Celebrating my Birthday

Relearning all that stuff for my death by examination (aka: Finals week)

Working Mom

To start, this blog has been very difficult to write for a couple reasons. 1) I am so scatterbrained so I apologize for jumping around everywhere. 2) I don't want to offend or make anyone angry. This has been on my brain for a little over a week now and I just feel the need to express my opinions. After all, we have blogs for a reason right? It may seem like I am singling out a few people and telling them that what they want is wrong, what they believe is wrong, and they are settling for less than what they are capable of.  That is absolutely NOT my intention. I realize it may go against how some people were raised, or how some want their futures to look. I just want to challenge their view because this is how I’ve been raised and how I want my future to look. And please challenge me in return :)

Often times, I often get the feeling that a lot of guys-the “Good” Guys, the Christian guys-the guys girls like me want to marry one day-want a wife that will be a stay at home mom and raise the kids. Now, this is not a bad thing; it just irritates me when they also think that women who want to have a career too is not as desirable.  And girls, if you truly do just want to be a stay at home mom-more power to ya! Just don’t settle on believing that that is what all the “Good”, Christian guys want- because this is also not true.

If you ask any Christian woman what kind of wife they want to be or any Christian man what kind of wife they want to marry, they will probably give you a quick answer: Proverbs 31. If so, then why do some people still believe that the most desirable woman is one who will be satisfied staying home and not working? After all Proverbs tells us “She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” (Proverbs 31:16-17). Does this not say that that a wife of noble character also works? I understand working can be working in the home, but it can also mean working in the workforce. Now, some people may want to say home/ want their future wife to stay home because they see that it works and works well. However, I am here to tell you it is possible to have a great job that you are good at and be a GREAT mom. Trust me, I know from first hand experience.

For as long as I can remember, my mom has worked while my dad worked fulltime. After all, they both have graduate degrees for heaven’s sake-why not make use of them? Now my mom, yes, she works part time, and yes, she did take some time off, but she still worked. And guess what? She even worked to support our family while my dad was between jobs-and her support of him during that time was extraordinary. Did she absolutely need to work? Probably not, but my family may not have lived like we have for the past 20 years. And were there time when I wish my mom were home when I got home from school? Absolutely! But, it made me gain some independence and figure things out for myself (like getting dinner started). Even though my parents both worked, they have still been some of the most actively involved parents in their children’s lives that I know. My dad has served as the swim team Treasurer for the past three years while working and my mom has served as the chorus booster club president for the past two while working- both not easy jobs. They were both active in our lives at an early age- my mom was always up at school helping out on her days off and led our girl scout troops and my dad helped coach soccer for my sister and I. On top of all of this, they raised two pretty good children if I may say so myself. But you know how they did this? Through their faith and utter reliance on the Lord.

Isn’t that what is most desirable in a wife or husband after all? Someone who as complete reliance and faith in God? Just because they want to work-even if it is fulltime- doesn’t mean they won’t love their kids as much, or they kids won't turn out as well, or wont support their husband as much as they would if they didn’t work.

I know, who am I to talk when I have chosen a career that is honestly, the perfect mom job? After all, about 70% of my class is female. And I can guarantee, that the majority of the girls in my class have this reasoning for choosing Pharmacy. But, if I did choose to work full time, or have to work full time, it doesn’t mean I’m going to be any less of a great mom. In fact, my “dream job” within pharmacy probably won’t allow me to work part-time. But I know they only way I can make working and being a great mom at the same time is to have faith and trust in the Lord that he put me there for a reason. I know God put me in pharmacy school for a reason and the desire to have kids for a reason so all I can do now is have faith in that.

I don't want to discount the Christian Man for wanting this. He sees his role as a man to support his family. And some of these men believe that they will have "made it in life" when they can support their family without their wives working. And I totally understand this and support men working towards this goal. But, they also need to realize that God still blessed their wives with gifts and talents and he should encourage her to use them! Even if financially she doesn't need to work.

So, I guess the reason I am so open to having a career in addition to being a mom is because I have had such a great example set before me-my mom and other family friends of our who LOVE what they do and LOVE being a mom. If you are settling because this is what you think all the Christian guys want or what God wants- you are telling yourself a lie. Many men, and God, want us to use our gifts, talents, and education. And guys- it IS possible to have a supportive wife, working wife, and great mom all in one.

Change of Heart

You know what is amazing to me? How quickly God can change our hearts if we are willing to let him. Especially when it comes to our attitudes towards people. It seems like it changes with the snap of a finger-God’s finger. Since January, feel like I have been continually taught this lesson.

First of all, I am very guilty of getting first impressions of people and judging them on that. Especially negative first impressions. However, I am often unwilling to let him change that. But after I finally pray about it and ask God to show me how to love them, that person does something (even something so little) that instantly tells me: I want to be friends with them.

What I especially hate, is when a friend or family member does something to upset you and it seem like it will take a very long time if not eternity for you to forgive them. And what’s even more frustrating is when you have “prayed and prayed” about it and “asked” God to help you let that go. And it seems that a week later, nothing has changed. The problem: you didn't really pray or ask for forgiveness. In fact, you subconsciously probably still wanted a reason to not like them. But I hate that feeling-that feeling of not being happy with someone, or of not liking someone based on a first impression. I always get this gut feeling that when I don't like someone or feel like I am not “supposed” to like someone, something isn’t quite right. Frankly, it makes me moody.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” Ezekiel 36:26-27

“Apart from me, you can do nothing” John 15:5

There it is. The answer to my problems. When I have “prayed” or asked God to help me “forgive” that person and nothing changes, I wasn’t totally willing to let God do that. Why? Honestly I have no idea. Maybe because I was looking for a reason to not like them, or even maybe I didn't think God could or would change my heart towards an individual. This year though, I've gotten to the point where I just get fed up with feeling like crap-the feeling that something still isn't quite right. Then God just slaps me right across the face telling me to pray and hand it over. And with the snap of his fingers, all I want to do is love that person and be around them. Change of Heart. That is God wants us to do as a community of believers- to love unconditionally. Love believers-even if they upset you- and nonbelievers- even if you have a negative first impression of them-alike. To show nonbelievers him by being like him. Didn't he love us unconditionally? How many times have you upset God in they past year, month, week, hour? He still loves us. And he also knows we can't love everyone we run into apart from him. Thats why we need him.

How’s that for this year’s lesson on love and prayer?